How to run away from your husband who is sitting behind your back sharpening a machete day and night telling you that one day he is going to kill you?
Kay had barely settled into bed when a noise jolted her awake. Her eyes fly open, but it’s pitch black—she can’t see a thing. She sits up, heart pounding, trying to make sense of the shadows.
Then she sees him.
John stands at the foot of her bed, shrouded in black, a balaclava masking his face. His eyes lock onto hers, dark and unblinking, his grip tight around the handle of a machete. She freezes, her mind screaming, we got to leave now, he is going to slice you up.
In a flash, she scrambles to her feet, lunges over him, and bolts out of the room. Barefoot, half-dressed, she runs for her life into the night, not stopping until she reaches a gas station.
She hides there, crouched in the shadows, waiting and praying he won’t come after her. Hours pass. The first light of dawn creeps into the sky. She can’t stay hidden forever.
Finally, she makes her way back, each step filled with dread. As she approaches, she sees John on the porch, face bare now, an unsettling smile on his lips. “Kay,” he says, calm and soft. “I was just playing around.” Kay remains silent.
It’s 1:00 am, Kay is on the couch, eyes on the TV, trying to unwind. But John steps in front of her and says: “Let’s go. We’re going to look for some flowers.”
“What?” She asks, surprised. “Pick flowers now? It’s too late, John. Can’t we go in the morning?”
“I said let’s go now!” He snaps, his voice hard as steel.
Kay doesn’t argue. She rises, keeping her face neutral as he grabs a machete. Moments later, they’re in the car, driving in tense silence toward the woods. Yesterday, John had picked up a wheelbarrow. Now she’s the one pushing it.
The machete glinting in his grip. Her heart pounds, a single thought thrumming through her mind: I’m the flower he’s going to chop.
John starts hacking into the tall grass, chopping through bushes with wild, powerful swings. Kay forces herself to stay calm, to act like everything’s fine.
“Can I use the bathroom nearby?” she asks, voice steady, masking her desperation to get away, even for a moment.
Eyes dark with anger: “Just go already!”
The moment she’s free, she sprints to the bathroom, locks the door, and sinks to the floor, her breaths short and panicked.
Kay never intended to be a pen pal to a prisoner.
Kay is a woman with a heart of gold always finding ways to help people: “I was brought up to never judge people, no matter what their background is,” she says.
A 53-year-old Canadian woman and a mother of five children who are all grown up now. Her life after raising children was pretty stagnant. “I had my dream car and a house and made a career for myself as a city manager. I was bored.” Kay sees problems as challenges and considers herself a “go-getter”’
Kay was abandoned by her birth mother when she was just a baby and was put up for adoption. She had been physically abused by both her adoptive parents and sexually abused by her father.
At 15 Kay had put herself into foster care not being able to bear the violence. At 18 years old she was working in a prestigious law firm. Had children, got married, but divorced after 14 years.
Kay is missing a purpose in her everyday life.
A Netflix documentary on “How prisoners in segregation are treated” spiked an interest to help somebody. The isolation, the abuse, the despair—it all lingers in her mind.
Curious, she visited prisoner.com and discovered she could write to inmates. She spends a week reading their stories and finally chooses three to contact. Her letters aren’t meant to start a conversation; they’re a small gesture of kindness, a way to remind them someone cares. To her surprise, one replies—John.
The first impression Kay got from John was: “He was a very intelligent man. He was a very open and remorseful person who talked with honesty about the crimes he committed and the guilt he carried with himself for taking another person’s life.”
“I believed him,” she admitted.
In the first days, John had struggled to find accommodation being a convict. Due to his felonies, he couldn’t get a lease so Kay decided to put the property under her name.
To help John reform Kay had asked a Customs and Border Protection (CBP) officer to let her stay in the US for six months till John converts to society easier. Kay’s plan was to return to Canada, where her life and work were.
Kay could tell from the start he was struggling with everyday life tasks such as using an iPhone or online banking, he was quite behind. His patience was slowly diminishing and it became anger till it consumed all of him. It was all anger, about him and Kay, it was all he was.
Then the hallucinations began.
John and Kay were watching TV when all of a sudden John jumped up from the sofa and screamed: “The Grim Reaper is standing in the hallway!”
John’s eyes were covered in tears, his body consumed by terror, believing that a scary creature was going to murder him. At night he covers himself up with blankets like a little kid who’s scared of the monsters under his bed. But Kay stays up for him, so he feels safer falling asleep.
It was his own consciousness hunting him for the crimes and murders he committed.
John is suicidal. He began losing hope of being able to reform into society and live a normal life.
His hallucinations were a common reoccurrence.
Kay took her phone out. She was scared John was going to hurt her. She started calling 911.
John saw what Kay was doing and responded: “If you call the police I’ll kill you and then myself and we’ll both be on ABC News.” Kay put her phone down. She was concerned for him but there was nothing she could do.
Three months into their relationship, Kay and John got married. However, as time went on, it became clear that John was not the man that Kay met anymore.
He started meeting up with his former gang members all the time. He was erratic and dangerous. It was one of many times Kay had asked John to seek professional help. John didn’t seem to like that.
A sharp sensation flashed Kay’s face – it was the first time John had hit her.
Then the second fight occurred. Kay packed her belongings.
“I didn’t hit you one time,” says John
“Yes, you did,” said Kay.
“I was just trying to get a look at your face,” John tried to explain himself.
“Get out of here, I’ll be gone asap,” Kay said with a cracking voice. “You’re throwing me out at this time of the night? Screw you!”
“Alright,” said John and left the room.
John returned to the room and started shouting: “Act up one more time! I swear to God act up one more time!”
He punched Kay and slammed her to the bed.
“Every time you’re acting crazy because you’re drinking all this time. I drink two bottles of liquor and I never act up,” John shouted.
Kay only had one drink and John is finding reasons to blame Kay for his actions.
Kay begged to be let go. John’s hands are pressed hard on Kay’s chest. She was crying and huffing. She could barely breathe.
Kay threw up. That is when John let Kay go.
“I was just trying to calm you down,” John said in a calm tone. “I’ll go tomorrow after work.” John is talking about his therapy sessions that he promised to start months ago.
“I’m sorry,” that is all John had to say.
It was 10:00pm a few days later. Kay and John are on the road. Kay asks John to take accountability for his actions and seek professional help once again. It is a sensitive topic for John.
“Mind your business!” He shouted.
“You have to go tomorrow, or I’ll tell them what you did to me,” Kay strikes a nerve in John.
“That’s it!” John loses his temper.
His anger went from zero to five million. His buff punch knocked Kay unconscious.
When she woke up, she had no idea where she was headed or what time it was.
It is a bloodbath in the car. The windshield is red and gruesome. Side windows, front seats and the control systems sticky and wet from Kay’s blood.
John refused to get Kay to the hospital. But they ran out of petrol.
Kay seized the opportunity to text her friend. She took a few photos of her face. Kay felt like she was on drugs. Her earlobe was gone. Her eye was red and black. She cannot understand whether her eye is gone or still there.
Kay’s friend had called the police.
John still had his ankle monitor on. This is how police tracked him down.
After an examination in the hospital, Kay goes home. She felt safe to escape while John was locked up.
As Kay was about to step into her house she saw John running towards her. He started strangling her in her front yard, then dragged her into the house and kept her locked inside.
For days John held Kay hostage.
Kay managed to find an opportunity to call John’s sister, her voice shaking as she told her everything that had been happening. The silence on the other end is brief: “My brother is going to kill you. No more time for plans—you got to go today.”
All day, John was glued to her, watching her every move. There was no chance to slip away. Not until evening, when he finally headed to the shower.
Heart pounding, Kay grabbed his car keys. She did not have her own car — this was her only shot. She snatched his phone.
With her purse, passport, and nothing else, Kay slipped out the door, left his house — and did not look back.
After escaping, Kay got into a 90-day domestic violence shelter but she couldn’t stay there for long as John was always looking for her at all the domestic violence shelters in North Carolina.
She would sometimes sleep in the car, eventually in a tent.
“Your husband showed up with a gun in the shelter demanding to know where you are,” her detective would tell her.
For Kay it was worse than the abuse, she did not know how to deal with these new issues. Constantly being alert, thinking John will find her, what will she eat that day, where and how will she get clothes.
Kay still stayed in North Carolina as she waited for a court to account for the crimes John had committed, Kay still was seeking justice. She also became suicidal. No-one in the government could help her.
Kay couldn’t wait any longer. She saw no progress happening from the legal system and John was still on the run.
Kay returned to Canada. Soon she got a job at an oil field where she lived in a camp that took care of her basic needs.
After nine months Kay’s lawyer called and notified her that her work permit had been approved and now she is able to work in the US. And Kay returned.
Kay’s whole life is in Canada, her family, friends and work, but the reason she is still in the US is because Kay is still seeking justice for how the government had failed to take action to arrest John. She is seeking justice for all domestic violence victims who have not been protected by the government.
John is in prison now, but Kay never felt that she got justice and it took ages until John was finally arrested after she ran away. So much has slipped through the cracks of the justice system.
Kay told us that she could not understand how a “lunatic” who had admitted to her that he had killed several people was running around North Carolina with a gun, committing crime after crime, mainly assaults and robberies, but was being released after 48 hours each time and was still free.
Kay Boheimer is a domestic violence support activist and is an active member in a Domestic Violence Justice Reform Facebook group, where she shared her story and experience with the legal social justice system in the US and how it has failed to protect her and many other survivors.
Today, Kay is working on making a documentary about domestic violence laws to make her and other victims’ stories heard.
Featured image by Elti Meshau via Unsplash.