As it ceases to be possible to turn a blind eye to the skyrocketing number of crimes being committed against women, it’s time to start asking more difficult questions.
“She was asking for it.” It’s a tale as old as time; the clothes a woman wears are causally linked to, or even used as an excuse for, aggressive behaviour.
But when it comes to violence and abuse at the hands of men, a woman’s attire has never been interchangeable for consent, let alone explicitly ‘asking for it’. So, how has this harmful narrative come about? And can it be put to an end?
In the summer of 2024, violence against women and girls (VAWG) was declared a national emergency by police chiefs in England and Wales. While commentators swiftly pointed to the online radicalisation of young men, this seems like a dangerous over-simplification of the problem and its root cause.
Women are yet to receive a sufficient explanation for the rate at which femicide occurs in the UK, let alone a plan of action to assure their safety from gender-based crimes in the future.
When will the media take notice?
The National Policing Statement for violence against women and girls found that 3,000 offences were recorded each day across England and Wales, “accounting for 20% of all police recorded crime”.
While it would be unrealistic to demand each of the many thousands of offences receive front-page treatment in the mainstream media, the absence of reports when it comes to cases like these makes it easy to underestimate the scale at which gender-based crime occurs.
Killed Women is one of the organisations shedding light on the real severity of violence against women and girls. It is a charity that supports families bereaved of women killed by men and has been launched in response to recent events.
The organisation has vowed to report on every one of these unlawful deaths, assuring that the victims’ names are remembered. In the past they have been forgotten, or crimes have gone entirely unreported, but now their names and faces are a permanent fixture on the internet, their static eyes watching from behind the screen, waiting for the rest of the world to take enough notice to make a change.
Hung in a temporary exhibition in Westminster, Killed Women has installed a series of plaques that closely resemble the iconic blue ones scattered across London properties in commemoration of the famous figures that resided there.
Each of these recently erected plaques is representative of a woman who died. Their colour – black and blue rather than blue alone – is symbolic of the phrase ‘beaten black and blue’, a stark reminder of the nature of the passing of these women.
On the white canvas that is the homepage of their website, a simple message is displayed: “A woman is killed by a man every three days in the UK’. They are our daughters, sisters, mothers and loved ones. But we are not after sympathy – what we want is change.”
One thing is certain, they are not alone in their desire for change. But how, if possible, can we dream of attaining such a thing, with evidence of such capacity for horror before us?
Whilst it is the tragic truth that we cannot bring back the women and girls who have lost their lives, it is the responsibility of everyone to attempt to answer this question.
There does not seem to be any rhyme or reason to the ways in which the violence occurs, at least not at first glance; there is no reason set in stone for why some men grow violent towards women. This uncertainty makes already dire circumstances seem hopeless.
Nonetheless, we can speculate. We can prompt conversations. We can call out concerning behaviour. And even better, we can- as when debating the majority of sociological issues, begin looking for the root cause of violence against women.
Rather than settling for violence being half-heartedly explained away by the media, we can look at sociological patterns, psychological factors, and the overall bigger picture for the rate at which women are killed by men.
Toxic archetypes: How did masculinity become equated to aggression?
Kristyan Kouri, professor of sociology at California State University, is quick to bring up the concept of ‘essentialism’- and why it is best not to bring it into a conversation about gender. It is, after all, the essentialist ideology that characteristics are inherent and unchangeable; this is not the case for either gender.
“Gender rules and roles are embedded in our society,” Kouri went on to tell me. I first came across her writing during a true-crime deep-dive, and was taken aback by her approach of analysing violence and crime through the lens of gender theory.
In the past, both in the States, where Kouri is based and here in the United Kingdom, men had authority over women and this was a matter of legal fact: only 150 years ago was the ‘rule of thumb’ enforced in the UK, which stated that “it is legal (and therefore perfectly acceptable) for a man to beat his wife providing that the stick he uses is non thicker than his thumb,” and this is only one historical example listed by Women’s Aid.
While this is no longer the case in the twenty-first century, our societal beliefs have possibly lagged behind legal changes. According to Kouri, the patriarchy (which remains comfortably intact in the UK), “allows men to maintain the belief that their actions are completely justifiable”, and is the tip of the iceberg of societal dynamics that perpetuate the abuse of women, both inside and outside of the home.
Gender theory can be applied to some of the most prominent acts of violence that have taken place across the UK since the beginning of 2024.
The tragic killing of three girls under ten at a Taylor Swift-themed dance class in July is a clear demonstration of what Kristyan Kouri labels ‘gendered violence’ which, in simple terms, means violence that affects the female gender disproportionately.
Similar to incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the deaths of these young girls are a reflection of gender inequality. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for gender power imbalances to result in fatality.
Incel ideologies have snuck into the mainstream
Dangerous messages that were initially only propagated by Incel communities have made their way onto the screens of internet users who may not have even heard the term ‘red pill’.
This term, like most of its kind, found popularity in the dark corners of a Reddit forum and describes when one’s belief in male oppression has reached such an extreme it becomes an outright loathing of women. These ideologies have shed their names and therefore their infamy, and are being re-sold to men in an innocent-looking parcel.
“The Incel movement isn’t growing, at least not disproportionately. The more mainstream-friendly red pill movement is growing,” observed one Reddit user – instead of glaring misogyny, boys and men are being sold ‘looks-maxxing’ ( the extreme art of improving your looks, and a temporary fix for insecurity and loneliness), and online preachers of toxic masculinity (it is almost redundant to mention Andrew Tate at this point).
The red pill movement, while dangerous, remains at its core targeted at men, and this watered-down version of the movement is simply a gateway to something more dangerous.
Kristyan Kouri says applying sociological knowledge to criminal cases is no new feat, it seems clear that the issue of violence against women by men is a problem that has been created over time, not one that is excusable by biology.
You don’t need to be an expert in the field of gender studies to recognise patterns and constructs within our society; one that may feel familiar to you is what Kouri refers to as “primary exemplars of masculinity”.
The most dominant of these exemplars in the modern world is the aggressive masculine – this archetype has grown malignant within some social circles and breathes life into dangerous ideals surrounding gender.
The aggressive male differs greatly from the idealised masculine archetypes of the past, such as the hero, who, while dominant, possesses the core values of decency and respect.
Instead, the aggressive male manifests traits such as violence, sexual entitlement, and hostility towards femininity (and yes, he may well have learned it from Andrew Tate).
As unpleasant as he may sound on paper, the aggressive male is the character that many young men are all too often encouraged to embody.
Women are still socialised to partake in dangerous dynamics
“When I was in my abusive relationship it was completely devoid of logic and reason,” actress, singer and multidisciplinary artist FKA Twigs recently revealed during her appearance on the Man Enough podcast for domestic violence awareness month.
“It was a very daunting and very heavy task,” she said of coming forward to seek legal accountability against her abuser. Like many women in similar circumstances, the A-list artist was faced with manipulation which kept her trapped in an abusive circumstance.
“When people are in an abusive relationship, you spend the whole of that protecting your abuser because you think that you are in love, so it’s a complicated thing.” She went on to tell the interviewers: “You’re covering bruises, you’re making out that you’re better than you are, you’re lying about arguments, you’re lying about the situation at home, you’re lying about being abused.”
From an early age women are socialised to accept the behaviour of their male peers as the norm: even being told that the playground bully is only being mean ‘because he likes you’.
Unless we reshape women’s perception of what ‘love’ should be, how can we teach them to reject abusive treatment in relationships? If even someone with the cultural influence and success that FKA Twigs has earned is vulnerable to the self-doubt that allows abusive dynamics to thrive, we must accept that no one has complete immunity.
“Dependence poses a huge risk” when it comes to abuse in the home, says Kouri. ‘Pink collar’ jobs are considered the standard for women and this factor, combined with the uphill battle for equal pay across the workforce, are contributing factors to around a third of women still being financially dependent on a man, as of 2021, according to a report published by YouGov.
While the standard of modern feminism has made it acceptable for women to dictate their own career paths, Kouri wants to take this further and bring attention to the importance of “teaching women the vulnerabilities of not having a reliable career or source of income.”
“Traditional fairy tale tropes reinforce cultural beliefs,” she said, although new influences emerge in film and literature, the Sleeping Beauty-esque ideal of femininity continues to be pushed with equal force.
From Snow White to Sleeping Beauty, a vast portion of the idols that girls are given to grow up with have a tendency to be seen as waiting on a saviour – demonstrating their complete dependence on a man, and pushing its importance to the plot of a woman’s life.
Where does change start?
“Psychological profiles can trigger men to re-enact fantasies that they see glamorised in the media;” Kouris’ explanation of this phenomenon is evidence enough that the portrayal of gender roles in the media – both popular and underground – needs urgently to be the subject of change. Even recent media, such as films released in the last year, are representative of this.
The way in which the media presents masculinity shapes what is considered masculine, and no member of the general public is immune to the influence of the media and the pressure created by the media to fit in with one’s peers, even parents.
“In parenting, men want their sons to be rough and rugged. Women fear that their sons will develop feminine traits, partially because of the way in which femininity is represented in the media, and as a result, they tend to push their sons away at an early age, forming rigid ego- boundaries in their child,” Kouri told us.
“An individuals’ gender expression may align with or contradict commonly accepted gender roles in one’s society.” Parents often fear that their childs’ gender expression will cause them problems as they grow older and begin to socialise with their peers, especially if their son begins to exhibit feminine traits, which are frequently a catalyst for bullying.
When even parents find themselves the target of the media biases that propagate the loathing of femininity, how can we expect that young people will not become indoctrinated in the same way?
In response to the stark statistics listed in the national policing statement, Deputy chief constable and NPCC lead for violence against women and girls, Maggie Blythe, said: “We are absolutely determined to turn the tide on violence and abuse faced by women and girls and will continue to work tirelessly to do better for victims.
“We know that continuous improvement is needed to strengthen policing’s response to VAWG. Improvements must be driven nationally, ensuring consistency from force to force to give victims the service they expect and deserve,” she added.
Whilst having resources available , such as Refuse, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, and Womens Aid, which are listed amongst others in the ‘useful links’ page of Killed Women’s website, the root of the problem requires urgent attention to create a future where less women are in desperate need of these helplines and support systems.
Whilst the Metropolitan Police have expressed their commitment to combating violence against women and girls, they have also stated that they will “need the support and direction of government to intervene and address the current problems within the criminal justice system and lead the way on a whole-system approach to violence against women and girls.”
Together, the multitude of factors that have contributed to the rise in violence against women and girls form a complicated and disorienting spider’s web in which women are becoming entrapped.
Alone, they are surmountable obstacles- vulnerable to our ability to overcome them.
Featured image by Killed Women.